i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize