i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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