why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
