nut hugger
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
