She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
