so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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