i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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