I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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