oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
