Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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