i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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