fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
