So drunk its hurt
smell my finger.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
