You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
