let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize