the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
