Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
