you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
