I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
