whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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