24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
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