Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
