you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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