i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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