i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
