So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
