good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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