his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
