My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
