Cold hands, warm shart.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
