did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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