Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
