She's JV to your varsity
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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