We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
