How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
