I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
