God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
