First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
