my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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