I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
