Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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