Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
