I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You may now shotgun with the bride
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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