I'm going to jail i love you
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Two words: blizzard sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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