Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
