honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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