My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
