ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
