my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
