he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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