am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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