well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I did not marry a roomba.
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