I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
