Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
