Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
