a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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