so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
