Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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