im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
