Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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