I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
