Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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