Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
