11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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