You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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