I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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