Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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