Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize