Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
