I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
